Well it’s Christmastime and,…. I must come clean… I’ve done it again. I perhaps even more so than some, can get inexplicably wrapped up in the trappings, wrappings and minutiae of what the picture perfect Christmas morning might play like… I have moments, flashes really, of the absurdity of it all. Of me organizing, and planning and coordinating wrap and ribbons and themed menus and “meaningful” family moments and all the while in the back of my mind it has not escaped me, that as much as I want to think I did better this year, not getting off track, off budget off my rocker!... I find myself pretty close to there again. I find myself in that spot again that makes me scream inside at the absurdity of it all.
In contrast to all of that I can’t escape those moments that in a palatable and penetrating way compel me to consider the reality of those among us that at this time of year are so desperately alone they consider doing desperate things, and those who have choices to make between putting food on the table or a gift under the tree and those, who for some reason or another have not seen nor heard from their loved one or best friend in longer than they can force themselves to remember and this time of year, the power to magnify all that is misshapen and out of alignment in this world goes into hyper drive and I want to fix it all, all of it.
At this time of year unmet expectations can run rampant for many. And while I sit here and type at what is now 41 minutes into Christmas day, I wonder which year I’ll finally put aside my own expectations and live in the moment. And really remember that there was this couple, who a couple of thousand years ago, embarked on a journey that would change not only history, but the context of grace in which we live. And yet… somehow, I’m there again, kind of feeling, if I’m honest with myself, kind of nauseated at my extravagance and the hoopla I have single handedly generated under the guise of honoring and celebrating the birth of my savior.
Ok…“Guise” might actually be a bit of hyperbole, a bit harsh, even if it is directed at myself. I think we do honor our savior by celebrating the good news of His miraculous birth. I think time with family and friends, particularly at this time of year is a huge blessing, a gift that continues unfolding in the days ahead framing memories in our minds greater than even the most heart felt trinkets we amassed.
This is a season of joy, and of hope, and of tender moments with those we love, and that is good and right and something I for one certainly crave more of as the years go by. At this time in my life, I have lost a brother and a parent, cousins, precious aunts and uncles and a couple of very dear friends. Obviously not lost in the sense that they could somehow otherwise be returned, but lost in the way that makes us hold the ones here with us that much closer and want to make the moments with them simply that much more. Still…somehow in my yearning to let loved ones know that they matter, are considered, and feel nurtured, prepared for and wanted, I get wacky with it all. It somehow doesn’t seem like it in the moment. It really doesn’t. It is just how I’m wired I convince myself… maybe it is, maybe I’m being too hard on myself because it’s late and I miss family and old friends… it is just at the heart of it all I want to bring a heart of contentment before my Lord and rest in His indescribable gift of His Son and not get Him… our precious savior, the only true reason for this season, lost in the pile of packages, but instead live in the moment and bring honor to Him as the guest of honor in our home this Christmas morn. – :) Kari (pushing 1:00 am...12/25/07)
In contrast to all of that I can’t escape those moments that in a palatable and penetrating way compel me to consider the reality of those among us that at this time of year are so desperately alone they consider doing desperate things, and those who have choices to make between putting food on the table or a gift under the tree and those, who for some reason or another have not seen nor heard from their loved one or best friend in longer than they can force themselves to remember and this time of year, the power to magnify all that is misshapen and out of alignment in this world goes into hyper drive and I want to fix it all, all of it.
At this time of year unmet expectations can run rampant for many. And while I sit here and type at what is now 41 minutes into Christmas day, I wonder which year I’ll finally put aside my own expectations and live in the moment. And really remember that there was this couple, who a couple of thousand years ago, embarked on a journey that would change not only history, but the context of grace in which we live. And yet… somehow, I’m there again, kind of feeling, if I’m honest with myself, kind of nauseated at my extravagance and the hoopla I have single handedly generated under the guise of honoring and celebrating the birth of my savior.
Ok…“Guise” might actually be a bit of hyperbole, a bit harsh, even if it is directed at myself. I think we do honor our savior by celebrating the good news of His miraculous birth. I think time with family and friends, particularly at this time of year is a huge blessing, a gift that continues unfolding in the days ahead framing memories in our minds greater than even the most heart felt trinkets we amassed.
This is a season of joy, and of hope, and of tender moments with those we love, and that is good and right and something I for one certainly crave more of as the years go by. At this time in my life, I have lost a brother and a parent, cousins, precious aunts and uncles and a couple of very dear friends. Obviously not lost in the sense that they could somehow otherwise be returned, but lost in the way that makes us hold the ones here with us that much closer and want to make the moments with them simply that much more. Still…somehow in my yearning to let loved ones know that they matter, are considered, and feel nurtured, prepared for and wanted, I get wacky with it all. It somehow doesn’t seem like it in the moment. It really doesn’t. It is just how I’m wired I convince myself… maybe it is, maybe I’m being too hard on myself because it’s late and I miss family and old friends… it is just at the heart of it all I want to bring a heart of contentment before my Lord and rest in His indescribable gift of His Son and not get Him… our precious savior, the only true reason for this season, lost in the pile of packages, but instead live in the moment and bring honor to Him as the guest of honor in our home this Christmas morn. – :) Kari (pushing 1:00 am...12/25/07)
